Change.

It's been nearly 6 weeks since I started my new job and moved house. To be honest I've had my moments when I've thought I'd made a huge mistake. I don't know if that is normal but I guess it's natural to have some doubts. Moving to another county away from everyone and everything you know is tough. I miss my old life sometimes but then I think of the new one I have in front of me. I'm still getting to know my new surroundings but so far it is ok. Living next to a main road is a bit noisy but I can sleep through anything. I've had a couple of run ins with downstairs but I try to be patient with them. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask someone to turn their music down when it is making your crockery rattle. I try to keep my noise down to a minimum but I have to admit the last time they had their music loud I found some heavy metal radio station and pumped up the volume. Two wrongs don't make a right but I wanted them to realise how loud their music was. I love my new flat other than that. It wasn't left in a great condition but I've cleaned it up nicely. I have a new futon and wardrobe so I have even more to cart the next time I move. Hopefully that won't be for a while.

As for work I really enjoy it. Obviously there are positives and negatives but there are with anything. The variety you get in the ED is great as it really challenges you especially when you are new to it. I feel more settled now and that I know what I'm doing a lot better. There are still times when I feel the need to ask for advice but that is nothing to be ashamed of. I'd rather ask for advice than do something wrong. Emotionally it can be difficult to deal with at times due to the nature of the things some people come in with. I've never had to deal with things like miscarriage, overdose, intoxication, drugs etc. Learning to cope with these things is a continual learning curve as every case is different. I feel like the opportunity I have is an amazing one and I must embrace it. Nursing on a ward is nice in some respects but you just deal with one speciality. It is only when you go to ED or somewhere similar that you have the opportunity to be exposed to every speciality. As I was told recently, an ED nurse is a jack of all trades. This is what makes it so exciting to me as there is so much to learn and I love learning. I have noticed that there is a specific pattern of certain complaints and then you get a spattering of everything else. The other thing that can happen is you get loads of one complaint. For example I had a run of chest pains, I've had a run of trauma and a run of children. This is why I love it though. I definitely made the right decision but it's just taking time to adjust to it.

Now I have settled in at work what I feel I need to do is get out and about. I'm not the most social person and am quite happy with my own company but I think I should make an effort to do something. There's a sports centre near my flat so I may go and investigate but so far it's only been a thought. It's the next thing on my list of things to do though. One thing is for sure and that is I'm glad I took a chance.

It feels strange

In my mind I'm not meant to be in Brunei for another couple of weeks so it feels a bit strange being here. Don't get me wrong, I'm pleased I am but something doesn't feel right. Well I'm not right. Maybe that's the problem. I never thought that all my problems would magic in to thin air. That would be completely unrealistic.

Yesterday was quite busy so I didn't have much time to think. The best decision was going for a walk at a place called Bukit Shahbandar. It is essentially numerous trails through the jungle. The fresh air and exercise no doubt did me some good but it was looking out at the views that blew me away. I don't think I will ever tire of seeing what is basically a bunch of trees. The person I was with said that we were in the jungle in Borneo and when you put it that way it kind of gives it a whole new meaning. Not only does it realise just where you are but it makes you forget. It might only be for a short time but for however long it lasts you are normal again. That is such a good feeling.

The only real blip I've had in the last couple of days was yesterday. My friend put a film on called Premonition. I found it really difficult to watch at times. I couldn't explain to my friend why. Some of the scenes in the film just reignited the memories of a few weeks ago. It was difficult hearing some of the conversation for the exact same reason. I felt uncomfortable. Up until that point I hadn't really thought about any of what had happened apart from a brief conversation I had. Seeing it happen in front of my own eyes brought it all back. I know that films are films and exaggerate things but seeing similar things happen to someone else was hard. It is like I had distanced myself from it all partly by flying halfway around the world. This just made it real again.

I guess there are always going to be things that will remind me. None of this will ever go away. It will however get easier.