In my mind I'm not meant to be in Brunei for another couple of weeks so it feels a bit strange being here. Don't get me wrong, I'm pleased I am but something doesn't feel right. Well I'm not right. Maybe that's the problem. I never thought that all my problems would magic in to thin air. That would be completely unrealistic.
Yesterday was quite busy so I didn't have much time to think. The best decision was going for a walk at a place called Bukit Shahbandar. It is essentially numerous trails through the jungle. The fresh air and exercise no doubt did me some good but it was looking out at the views that blew me away. I don't think I will ever tire of seeing what is basically a bunch of trees. The person I was with said that we were in the jungle in Borneo and when you put it that way it kind of gives it a whole new meaning. Not only does it realise just where you are but it makes you forget. It might only be for a short time but for however long it lasts you are normal again. That is such a good feeling.
The only real blip I've had in the last couple of days was yesterday. My friend put a film on called Premonition. I found it really difficult to watch at times. I couldn't explain to my friend why. Some of the scenes in the film just reignited the memories of a few weeks ago. It was difficult hearing some of the conversation for the exact same reason. I felt uncomfortable. Up until that point I hadn't really thought about any of what had happened apart from a brief conversation I had. Seeing it happen in front of my own eyes brought it all back. I know that films are films and exaggerate things but seeing similar things happen to someone else was hard. It is like I had distanced myself from it all partly by flying halfway around the world. This just made it real again.
I guess there are always going to be things that will remind me. None of this will ever go away. It will however get easier.
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