Change.

It's been nearly 6 weeks since I started my new job and moved house. To be honest I've had my moments when I've thought I'd made a huge mistake. I don't know if that is normal but I guess it's natural to have some doubts. Moving to another county away from everyone and everything you know is tough. I miss my old life sometimes but then I think of the new one I have in front of me. I'm still getting to know my new surroundings but so far it is ok. Living next to a main road is a bit noisy but I can sleep through anything. I've had a couple of run ins with downstairs but I try to be patient with them. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask someone to turn their music down when it is making your crockery rattle. I try to keep my noise down to a minimum but I have to admit the last time they had their music loud I found some heavy metal radio station and pumped up the volume. Two wrongs don't make a right but I wanted them to realise how loud their music was. I love my new flat other than that. It wasn't left in a great condition but I've cleaned it up nicely. I have a new futon and wardrobe so I have even more to cart the next time I move. Hopefully that won't be for a while.

As for work I really enjoy it. Obviously there are positives and negatives but there are with anything. The variety you get in the ED is great as it really challenges you especially when you are new to it. I feel more settled now and that I know what I'm doing a lot better. There are still times when I feel the need to ask for advice but that is nothing to be ashamed of. I'd rather ask for advice than do something wrong. Emotionally it can be difficult to deal with at times due to the nature of the things some people come in with. I've never had to deal with things like miscarriage, overdose, intoxication, drugs etc. Learning to cope with these things is a continual learning curve as every case is different. I feel like the opportunity I have is an amazing one and I must embrace it. Nursing on a ward is nice in some respects but you just deal with one speciality. It is only when you go to ED or somewhere similar that you have the opportunity to be exposed to every speciality. As I was told recently, an ED nurse is a jack of all trades. This is what makes it so exciting to me as there is so much to learn and I love learning. I have noticed that there is a specific pattern of certain complaints and then you get a spattering of everything else. The other thing that can happen is you get loads of one complaint. For example I had a run of chest pains, I've had a run of trauma and a run of children. This is why I love it though. I definitely made the right decision but it's just taking time to adjust to it.

Now I have settled in at work what I feel I need to do is get out and about. I'm not the most social person and am quite happy with my own company but I think I should make an effort to do something. There's a sports centre near my flat so I may go and investigate but so far it's only been a thought. It's the next thing on my list of things to do though. One thing is for sure and that is I'm glad I took a chance.

A new start

Things have happened this year that I didn't expect to happen. Some of them were good and some of them were bad. I guess that's just life though. If it was perfect then we wouldn't learn from our experiences. October is the start of a new chapter in my life. A new job, moving house, quitting smoking and at the beginning of November I will no longer be in my twenties. Each of these has caused me some anxiety but I think that is normal. New job : When I applied for the job I never expected to be offered it. I thought my two years experience and the area in which I have been working would not be appropriate. Not to mention the problems I've had with my wrist. Nevertheless I got the job. The department manager was very flexible with regards to waiting for me to have my operation and the resulting complications to resolve. The Sister thought I had ITU experience but had clearly misheard the conversation. Yes I have ITU experience but not as a nurse but as a patient. During that conversation I began to worry that they had these preconceived ideas about my level of experience and was expecting this fabulous nurse but instead they were just getting me. To be honest I think it doesn't matter what your background is, A&E is a world of its own. It's a specialist area that you need to learn but you need to learn fast. I am looking forward to the challenge and I really hope it's not to big a challenge. Even if I don't like it I know that I will get great nursing experience from there. So after ten years working for the same NHS trust as of Sunday that stage of my working life will be over and a new one will begin. Moving house: I thought about commuting but it was just too far. I thought about my current life and made the decision to leave. Living in the countryside is great but there is nothing for me here. If I'm honest I don't really have a life. My friends live forty minutes away by car so it's not ideal. The only thing that I will miss is being near my family. It will be strange knowing they are no longer just down the road but things change and we have to move on. As a country bumpkin it will be difficult moving to a town but it will also have its benefits. Hopefully I'll make friends at work and I won't have to drive miles to see them. There's a gym right across from where I will be living which may give me the kick up the bum to do some exercise. There will be more opportunity on my doorstep than where I am now. I will be sad to leave but it's time to make a new start. Quitting smoking: I worked out that I've been smoking for about 13 years. Not something I'm particularly proud about I must admit. I don't even know how I got started, I guess it was peer pressure. It's a horrible habit and I've tried to quit before with no success. I tried using the inhalator on one attempt but found I was just smoking loads more than before. It sounds silly but every time I've tried to quit before it's never felt right. Almost like I was never truly committed and was just making a token effort. This time feels different, this time it feels like the right time. So far I've made it through 12 days which doesn't sound a lot but when you're addicted to something which is seven times more addictive than heroin then 12 days is an achievement. I just hope I haven't made too much of a mess of my internal organs. I guess now that I've stopped they will be able to repair themselves to some degree. It's a hard habit to break but I'm doing it one day at a time. 30: I'm not too keen on this number. At the beginning of November that will be my age. I know it's just a number but to me it's a large number. I look at people around me and see them married with children. It makes me feel like I've not lived my life properly. I should be playing happy families. Maybe it's just not meant to be for me. If I'm honest being 30 and being on my own does scare me a little bit. I wonder if I will be alone for the rest of my life or will I meet the person of my dreams and have a mini me? I think the number 30 to me means being an adult, a proper adult. Being in your twenties has a less responsible ring to it. It makes me feel young. Being in your thirties on the other hand makes me think of responsible adults with a mortgage and a career. It really is silly being worried about a number. Nothing will change on my birthday, I will still be me.

New start

A lot has happened since I last posted. I feel a lot better for a start. The beginning of the year was difficult and I felt things I never thought I would feel. Thankfully I have got through it pretty much intact. I still have moments when I feel a bit wobbly but I guess that is only natural. The important thing is that I feel more like me than I have for a long time. That was something that I had lost and I never thought I would get it back. It took some time but I'm back and slightly madder than ever. So what's this new start? Well I have to have another operation on my wrist. Third time lucky. I hope this is an end to two years of pain. I'll be honest, I am nervous and I am slightly worried it won't work but the surgeon seems pretty confident he can fix it once and for all so I need to put my trust in him. Once I have recovered from that I will have a new job to go to. From randomly applying for it when I was in Brunei not expecting to hear anything I am now on the verge of handing my notice in at my current job. It is strange how this world works. In a matter of months I have gone from the depths of despair to a whole new and exciting future ahead of me. I know I have moaned about my current job quite a lot over the past year but I will miss it. Perhaps not everything but there are definitely aspects of it that I will. Most of all I will miss the lovely people I have been fortunate to work with in my time there. This last week there have been plenty of tears. Saying goodbye is never easy. I will miss the banter most of all. I know everyone keeps saying once I get to know people in my new job there will be banter but it just won't be the same. The hardest thing is going to be leaving my comfort zone. This is something I have to do though. I can try it and if I don't like it I can get another job. If I don't then I may never get the chance again. I need to spread my wings and fly the nest no matter how scary it seems.