Indifferent

I don't know if it's because i've not been feeling 100% but i feel like i can't be bothered. I could quite happily curl up somewhere. I feel a darkness coming over me. I shouldn't. I'm in a beautiful country with my best friend. The sun shines every day, it's hot, it's most peoples dream. Why do i feel like this? Talking to people is becoming increasingly harder. Everything is becoming harder. I feel indifferent.

My thoughts have been turning towards my departure. It's two weeks away. Two weeks of what should be amazing adventure. Why is my mind preoccupied with my return home? Is it because i don't want to? Is it trying to prepare me for what is to come? I have been here for two weeks but it feels like a lifetime. I have thought about work too. What do people think? I disappeared from the face of the earth as far as my colleagues are concerned. What will it be like going back? Will i be able to cope? Right now it sends me in to a slight panic just thinking about it. Will they judge me? If they don't know why i'm off how can they judge me? What's it going to be like being back in my house, alone? I'm so used to having someone around to talk to now. I'll be going home to nothing.

Is my change in mood due to the thought of returning home? I would say partially. I have my happy moments when i feel like me. They are usually brief. Am i going going to have happy moments when i get home? Why would i? There's nothing happy about being there.