Difficult

Sometimes it's really difficult to say what you feel. I don't know if it's just general tiredness or tiredness from having to cope with a mentally challenging situation. I have been struggling with small groups and to be honest even being around individual people. Tonight i was thrust into a situation which involved a house full of people who i didn't know. It's not that long ago that i couldn't even leave the house. I know i've been on a plane since then but you're in your own little bubble. It's not the same as having to make conversation with complete strangers.

Maybe i could have dealt with wanting to leave better but i was exhausted. I was almost in tears. I had reached my limit and that was that, i just needed to be on my own. Is that selfish?

Some days i feel ok but occasionally i have these blips. I just want to hide away. That was the whole reason i left home, to get away from everything. I'm scared that the old feelings are coming back. I don't want to feel as bad as i did and i'm really trying not to but it's so hard. When you feel like crap inside trying to be happy on the outside becomes exhausting. I feel like i have to be happy here but truthfully i'm not. It's great being with my friend but at the same time i feel a burden. I don't want that. I don't want any of this.