Tuesday, 1 January 2013
Just another year
So another year has ended and another year has begun. Last year was mixed to say the least. It started off pretty bad but towards the end got better. I turned 30 which was a little distressing but I think I have gotten used to it now. It's only taken a couple of months. I started a new job which has it's ups and downs but so does everything. I upgraded my accommodation and downgraded my location.
So what will this year hold? The same probably. Last year I decided I wanted to start going to the gym. That ended pretty quickly before I'd even started when I slipped a disc. One of the most painful things you can injure yourself. I don't think I'll reignite that plan anytime soon. What I have done is requested to try marshalling at Silverstone. I like Motorsport so it makes sense to do something associated to the thing I enjoy. I may hate it but on the other hand I may love it. For Christmas I received the Great British Bake Off cookbook and decided that I would bake my way through it. I then began watching Julie & Julia and realised that my plan mirrored the film minus the blog. I may give it a go anyway. You never know I may tap into some unknown talent but I sincerely doubt it.
I don't make New Years resolutions because they always get broken. So far I haven't started smoking which is great despite the temptation being high at times. The only thing I would like to do is tick off a few things on my bucket list. Most of them involve travelling so I doubt I will achieve many of them. I feel like I sound negative but I like to think I'm being realistic. I'd rather not have the disappointment of failing to achieve things. At least with a bucket list I have an unspecified amount of time to complete them.
So this year I have no plans really. I have no burning desire to do anything specific. Instead I will see how things go. Sometimes the best things are those which are unexpected.
Tuesday, 27 November 2012
Change.
It's been nearly 6 weeks since I started my new job and moved house. To be honest I've had my moments when I've thought I'd made a huge mistake. I don't know if that is normal but I guess it's natural to have some doubts. Moving to another county away from everyone and everything you know is tough. I miss my old life sometimes but then I think of the new one I have in front of me. I'm still getting to know my new surroundings but so far it is ok. Living next to a main road is a bit noisy but I can sleep through anything. I've had a couple of run ins with downstairs but I try to be patient with them. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask someone to turn their music down when it is making your crockery rattle. I try to keep my noise down to a minimum but I have to admit the last time they had their music loud I found some heavy metal radio station and pumped up the volume. Two wrongs don't make a right but I wanted them to realise how loud their music was. I love my new flat other than that. It wasn't left in a great condition but I've cleaned it up nicely. I have a new futon and wardrobe so I have even more to cart the next time I move. Hopefully that won't be for a while.
As for work I really enjoy it. Obviously there are positives and negatives but there are with anything. The variety you get in the ED is great as it really challenges you especially when you are new to it. I feel more settled now and that I know what I'm doing a lot better. There are still times when I feel the need to ask for advice but that is nothing to be ashamed of. I'd rather ask for advice than do something wrong. Emotionally it can be difficult to deal with at times due to the nature of the things some people come in with. I've never had to deal with things like miscarriage, overdose, intoxication, drugs etc. Learning to cope with these things is a continual learning curve as every case is different. I feel like the opportunity I have is an amazing one and I must embrace it. Nursing on a ward is nice in some respects but you just deal with one speciality. It is only when you go to ED or somewhere similar that you have the opportunity to be exposed to every speciality. As I was told recently, an ED nurse is a jack of all trades. This is what makes it so exciting to me as there is so much to learn and I love learning. I have noticed that there is a specific pattern of certain complaints and then you get a spattering of everything else. The other thing that can happen is you get loads of one complaint. For example I had a run of chest pains, I've had a run of trauma and a run of children. This is why I love it though. I definitely made the right decision but it's just taking time to adjust to it.
Now I have settled in at work what I feel I need to do is get out and about. I'm not the most social person and am quite happy with my own company but I think I should make an effort to do something. There's a sports centre near my flat so I may go and investigate but so far it's only been a thought. It's the next thing on my list of things to do though. One thing is for sure and that is I'm glad I took a chance.
As for work I really enjoy it. Obviously there are positives and negatives but there are with anything. The variety you get in the ED is great as it really challenges you especially when you are new to it. I feel more settled now and that I know what I'm doing a lot better. There are still times when I feel the need to ask for advice but that is nothing to be ashamed of. I'd rather ask for advice than do something wrong. Emotionally it can be difficult to deal with at times due to the nature of the things some people come in with. I've never had to deal with things like miscarriage, overdose, intoxication, drugs etc. Learning to cope with these things is a continual learning curve as every case is different. I feel like the opportunity I have is an amazing one and I must embrace it. Nursing on a ward is nice in some respects but you just deal with one speciality. It is only when you go to ED or somewhere similar that you have the opportunity to be exposed to every speciality. As I was told recently, an ED nurse is a jack of all trades. This is what makes it so exciting to me as there is so much to learn and I love learning. I have noticed that there is a specific pattern of certain complaints and then you get a spattering of everything else. The other thing that can happen is you get loads of one complaint. For example I had a run of chest pains, I've had a run of trauma and a run of children. This is why I love it though. I definitely made the right decision but it's just taking time to adjust to it.
Now I have settled in at work what I feel I need to do is get out and about. I'm not the most social person and am quite happy with my own company but I think I should make an effort to do something. There's a sports centre near my flat so I may go and investigate but so far it's only been a thought. It's the next thing on my list of things to do though. One thing is for sure and that is I'm glad I took a chance.
Saturday, 13 October 2012
A new start
Things have happened this year that I didn't expect to happen. Some of them were good and some of them were bad. I guess that's just life though. If it was perfect then we wouldn't learn from our experiences.
October is the start of a new chapter in my life. A new job, moving house, quitting smoking and at the beginning of November I will no longer be in my twenties. Each of these has caused me some anxiety but I think that is normal.
New job : When I applied for the job I never expected to be offered it. I thought my two years experience and the area in which I have been working would not be appropriate. Not to mention the problems I've had with my wrist. Nevertheless I got the job. The department manager was very flexible with regards to waiting for me to have my operation and the resulting complications to resolve. The Sister thought I had ITU experience but had clearly misheard the conversation. Yes I have ITU experience but not as a nurse but as a patient. During that conversation I began to worry that they had these preconceived ideas about my level of experience and was expecting this fabulous nurse but instead they were just getting me. To be honest I think it doesn't matter what your background is, A&E is a world of its own. It's a specialist area that you need to learn but you need to learn fast. I am looking forward to the challenge and I really hope it's not to big a challenge. Even if I don't like it I know that I will get great nursing experience from there. So after ten years working for the same NHS trust as of Sunday that stage of my working life will be over and a new one will begin.
Moving house: I thought about commuting but it was just too far. I thought about my current life and made the decision to leave. Living in the countryside is great but there is nothing for me here. If I'm honest I don't really have a life. My friends live forty minutes away by car so it's not ideal. The only thing that I will miss is being near my family. It will be strange knowing they are no longer just down the road but things change and we have to move on. As a country bumpkin it will be difficult moving to a town but it will also have its benefits. Hopefully I'll make friends at work and I won't have to drive miles to see them. There's a gym right across from where I will be living which may give me the kick up the bum to do some exercise. There will be more opportunity on my doorstep than where I am now. I will be sad to leave but it's time to make a new start.
Quitting smoking: I worked out that I've been smoking for about 13 years. Not something I'm particularly proud about I must admit. I don't even know how I got started, I guess it was peer pressure. It's a horrible habit and I've tried to quit before with no success. I tried using the inhalator on one attempt but found I was just smoking loads more than before. It sounds silly but every time I've tried to quit before it's never felt right. Almost like I was never truly committed and was just making a token effort. This time feels different, this time it feels like the right time. So far I've made it through 12 days which doesn't sound a lot but when you're addicted to something which is seven times more addictive than heroin then 12 days is an achievement. I just hope I haven't made too much of a mess of my internal organs. I guess now that I've stopped they will be able to repair themselves to some degree. It's a hard habit to break but I'm doing it one day at a time.
30: I'm not too keen on this number. At the beginning of November that will be my age. I know it's just a number but to me it's a large number. I look at people around me and see them married with children. It makes me feel like I've not lived my life properly. I should be playing happy families. Maybe it's just not meant to be for me. If I'm honest being 30 and being on my own does scare me a little bit. I wonder if I will be alone for the rest of my life or will I meet the person of my dreams and have a mini me? I think the number 30 to me means being an adult, a proper adult. Being in your twenties has a less responsible ring to it. It makes me feel young. Being in your thirties on the other hand makes me think of responsible adults with a mortgage and a career. It really is silly being worried about a number. Nothing will change on my birthday, I will still be me.
Tuesday, 11 September 2012
Paralympic Closing Ceremony 2012
What can I say but wow. Definitely a once in a life time experience.
I was very irritated because I'd been through all of the ballots for Olympic tickets and got nothing. I left it late to try and get Paralympic tickets so got nothing. Then one day I was on the ticketing website and there they were, closing ceremony tickets. The trouble was they were £100 so I thought about it for about a nanosecond before I clicked the buy button. This was my chance and I wasn't going to waste it. I was so excited I couldn't wait to tell people. The day my ticket came through my letter box was fantastic. I finally had it in my hand. I didn't realise you got a free travel card for the tube so that was a nice surprise. Now I just had to wait.
The 9th September came pretty quickly. I wasn't sure about traffic to London so I set of reasonably early from Oxford. The Olympic Park didn't open until 17:30 but I wanted to get there when it did so I'd have time to take it all in. After all this was the last day it would be know as the Olympic Park, this was the last day of London 2012. When I got off at Marble Arch there were a lot of people about because of a gig going on in Hyde Park. I went down the steps to the tube. I hate the tube at the best of times so I wasn't looking forward to there being hoards of people. To my surprise they were all coming to Marble Arch and there were very few leaving. I got on the first train which was reasonably busy but nothing like I've seen. Then began my 22 minute journey on the central line to Stratford. As the train pulled in to the station I could see the familiar pinky coloured signs with Olympic Park and an arrow on them. This is where I began to feel the excitement. I was there. I followed the signs and eventually came out to a mass of people milling about outside the entrance to the park and Westfield. Of course with the gates not opening for another hour and a half I had to find something to do to occupy my time. First stop was to get water because the weather being hot I was parched after the tube ride. Then I wandered around the shops until I came to a bookshop. It was here I met a lovely couple dressed up in the GB flag sporting novelty accessories. We started chatting and it turned out they had been to numerous events. How come I only got to go to one? They ensured that I would have a fantastic time and we parted company. I think I spent 45 minutes in the bookshop then at around 5pm decided to make my way to the park entrance.
Walking down the barriered walkway I had an overwhelming sense of anticipation. The massive metal gates before security made it feel like we were entering a forbidden area. Getting through security was pretty quick. I did ask the chap if I should take my belt off, he said no and as I walked through the metal detector a familiar beep went off and I was asked to step forward. As I stood there in my star position I was padded down by a lovely RAF lady. I said 'I asked him if I should take my belt off' to which she replied 'Ah well it keeps us in a job'. I'm used to being padded down but there is still a little sense of embarrassment. I wandered off following everyone else then came the sight I never thought I would see...the Olympic Stadium. Wow. Walking down the bridge under the welcome sign I was just totally overcome with excitement. It was a mission playing camera dodging as everyone was taking pictures. I walked passed the Aquatics Centre and stood just taking it all in. That's when I asked a woman stood next to me if she'd take a picture and of course she duly obliged. One thing I have noticed is that everyone was so friendly and chatty which has not been the situation on my previous visits to London. I carried on walking and intermittently taking pictures. I had to document every second of this. I wandered over to the Orbit and took a million pictures from different angles before my stomach started growling. I decided on a jacket potato. £6 for a jacket potato and topping with a side salad. I guess extortionate prices were to be expected. I walked passed the London 2012 shop and am not joking when I say the queues were longer to get in there than they were anywhere else I had seen. It was a one in one out policy by the looks of it. People were obviously determined to get their last little reminder of London 2012no matter how long they had to stand there waiting.
At around 18:30 I decided to go in to the stadium. I took my time making sure I took mental snap shots of everything. I wandered over to Bridge A and looked up at the imposing structure in front of me. This was it. I had a look at the shops surrounding the stadium whilst keeping an eye out for section number 219. I went over to a London 2012 stall which was not that busy in comparison with the shop and bought some Team GB sweatbands. At £4 I think it was a small price to pay for my little bit of memorabilia. 219 was in front of me and so I went over and started to walk up the steps. I could see a glimpse of the inside and as I placed my foot on the last step and the arena opened up to me I was awestruck. Wow. The Gamesmaker pointed to my seat but I was too busy taking pictures. I certainly did not want to forget this. I went and took my place and just stared with my jaw solidly on the floor. The view was spectacular. Right next to me was an opening and there it was, the flame. For a little while I did wonder if I was actually there and this wasn't some crazy dream but I was, I was in the Olympic Stadium, finally.
As darkness descended the place filled up pretty quickly. I can't begin what it feels like to be surrounded by 80,000 people. The couple next to me were lovely but the bloke on the other side of me was just on a mission to get pissed. The pre show started and I had no idea what the hell was going on. It was really bizarre then it all became clear when they raised an inflatable Agitos symbol. That's a lie, it still made no sense. Then they announced the athletes entry into the stadium. This seemed to take forever and I remember at least two calls for them to take their seats. For most of the show I had no idea what was going on. You must remember I didn't have the tv commentary explaining everything so I just sat there amazed and perplexed. It was great being next to the opening because a lot of the performers came out from there so I could get a sneak preview of what was next. When the little car chugged its way around the arena I had no idea that Prince Edward was in there. I obviously wasn't listening. There was just so much to look at and take in. Standing up and singing the national anthem with 80,000 was just unbelievable. Down below me were the Russian team amongst others and I kind of kept half an eye on what was going on down there whilst looking at what was going on and looking at the crowd, the performers coming out and the amazing light show going around the arena. I don't care what anyone says but Coldplay were fantastic. Yes it did turn into a bit of a Coldplay gig but it was still amazing. The moment that makes me laugh and made me laugh at the time was when I saw the boat below me getting ready for whatever it was going to do next. On the deck was a woman with short dark hair in bright orange. I decided to take a picture of this bright orange woman on the boat thinking she was just another performer. Yea, i'd totally missed the fact Rihanna was right in front of me. Such an idiot. After her performance she ran from the stage towards one of the exits with the biggest entourage and covered her head up in the process. What? Why not let the athletes and fans get a picture? Eventually she came back out and I'd noticed this chair being prepared just in front of the flame, guess who it was for? I have some very good shots of the back of Rihannas head.
Everybody was singing along and they even had the words on some of the tv screens around the stadium. The show was pretty weird mainly because I had no idea what was happening but the imagination behind it was brilliant. I remember when Boris Johnson came out to hand the flag over he got the biggest cheer from the crowd. Not as big as when Seb Coe thanked the Gamesmakers and volunteers, the whole stadium were on their feet applauding. We had to stand for the Olympic anthem which I thought sounded like it was the intro to an 80's soap opera. It is pretty dire for an anthem. Standing for the Brazilian anthem was a bit weird as well mainly because I'm not Brazilian but I did as was instructed. When the flame was extinguished there was a general feeling of disappointment. Being right next to it I was in a perfect position when it began to open up. Not to mention getting to see Jonnie Peacock and Ellie Symonds. I think the disappointment came over on the tv but the boo didn't sound half as loud as actually hearing it.
I just cannot get across how spectacular that stadium was. The performers on the ground, the light show flying around, the smells and the music. At one point I thought I was at a massive rave. None of it comes across properly on the tv. The fireworks at the end were dazzling, absolutely breath taking. Seeing it on the tv gives me a better perspective on just how amazing they were but nothing can replace being in that stadium and hearing the constant banging and looking up at them from below. I was also surprised at just how small the inside of the stadium is with regards to the floor space. I expected this huge expanse but it was tiny. This makes me think how even more spectacular the Opening Ceremony for the Olympics must have been with towers being raised etc. In my pictures everything looks far away but it really wasn't. It just shows how deceptive tv pictures are with regards to perspective. To be honest I was gutted when it ended. I'm sure many more would quite happily have sat there all night. There were loads of Mexican waves going around the stadium and it was a delight to participate. I don't think I've seen any on that scale but it just shows the general mood of everybody that was there. At one point there were two going round in opposite directions which was fantastic to watch.
Getting out of the stadium/park you would have thought would be a nightmare what with 80,000 others also leaving. I left my seat, walked down the steps and followed the crowd towards Stratford tube. On the way everyone was high fiving the Gamesmakers. At points the Gamesmakers were all in a line and people went high fiving them down the line and so many people took the time to thank them. We got to the Westfield and wandered through a bit I hadn't seen which had a mini stuck to the wall. We walked down some steps and through down to the platform. There was a train there but it was about to leave. I stood there for about a minute and another came. It must have taken 10 minutes, if that, to get from my seat and on to the tube. 22 minutes later I sat waiting for the bus which was half an hour late. I was very impressed with the speed at which they were clearing the park not so much with my late bus. I eventually got home at 02:30 but it was worth it.
Like I said at the beginning, a once in a lifetime experience.
I was very irritated because I'd been through all of the ballots for Olympic tickets and got nothing. I left it late to try and get Paralympic tickets so got nothing. Then one day I was on the ticketing website and there they were, closing ceremony tickets. The trouble was they were £100 so I thought about it for about a nanosecond before I clicked the buy button. This was my chance and I wasn't going to waste it. I was so excited I couldn't wait to tell people. The day my ticket came through my letter box was fantastic. I finally had it in my hand. I didn't realise you got a free travel card for the tube so that was a nice surprise. Now I just had to wait.
The 9th September came pretty quickly. I wasn't sure about traffic to London so I set of reasonably early from Oxford. The Olympic Park didn't open until 17:30 but I wanted to get there when it did so I'd have time to take it all in. After all this was the last day it would be know as the Olympic Park, this was the last day of London 2012. When I got off at Marble Arch there were a lot of people about because of a gig going on in Hyde Park. I went down the steps to the tube. I hate the tube at the best of times so I wasn't looking forward to there being hoards of people. To my surprise they were all coming to Marble Arch and there were very few leaving. I got on the first train which was reasonably busy but nothing like I've seen. Then began my 22 minute journey on the central line to Stratford. As the train pulled in to the station I could see the familiar pinky coloured signs with Olympic Park and an arrow on them. This is where I began to feel the excitement. I was there. I followed the signs and eventually came out to a mass of people milling about outside the entrance to the park and Westfield. Of course with the gates not opening for another hour and a half I had to find something to do to occupy my time. First stop was to get water because the weather being hot I was parched after the tube ride. Then I wandered around the shops until I came to a bookshop. It was here I met a lovely couple dressed up in the GB flag sporting novelty accessories. We started chatting and it turned out they had been to numerous events. How come I only got to go to one? They ensured that I would have a fantastic time and we parted company. I think I spent 45 minutes in the bookshop then at around 5pm decided to make my way to the park entrance.
Walking down the barriered walkway I had an overwhelming sense of anticipation. The massive metal gates before security made it feel like we were entering a forbidden area. Getting through security was pretty quick. I did ask the chap if I should take my belt off, he said no and as I walked through the metal detector a familiar beep went off and I was asked to step forward. As I stood there in my star position I was padded down by a lovely RAF lady. I said 'I asked him if I should take my belt off' to which she replied 'Ah well it keeps us in a job'. I'm used to being padded down but there is still a little sense of embarrassment. I wandered off following everyone else then came the sight I never thought I would see...the Olympic Stadium. Wow. Walking down the bridge under the welcome sign I was just totally overcome with excitement. It was a mission playing camera dodging as everyone was taking pictures. I walked passed the Aquatics Centre and stood just taking it all in. That's when I asked a woman stood next to me if she'd take a picture and of course she duly obliged. One thing I have noticed is that everyone was so friendly and chatty which has not been the situation on my previous visits to London. I carried on walking and intermittently taking pictures. I had to document every second of this. I wandered over to the Orbit and took a million pictures from different angles before my stomach started growling. I decided on a jacket potato. £6 for a jacket potato and topping with a side salad. I guess extortionate prices were to be expected. I walked passed the London 2012 shop and am not joking when I say the queues were longer to get in there than they were anywhere else I had seen. It was a one in one out policy by the looks of it. People were obviously determined to get their last little reminder of London 2012no matter how long they had to stand there waiting.
At around 18:30 I decided to go in to the stadium. I took my time making sure I took mental snap shots of everything. I wandered over to Bridge A and looked up at the imposing structure in front of me. This was it. I had a look at the shops surrounding the stadium whilst keeping an eye out for section number 219. I went over to a London 2012 stall which was not that busy in comparison with the shop and bought some Team GB sweatbands. At £4 I think it was a small price to pay for my little bit of memorabilia. 219 was in front of me and so I went over and started to walk up the steps. I could see a glimpse of the inside and as I placed my foot on the last step and the arena opened up to me I was awestruck. Wow. The Gamesmaker pointed to my seat but I was too busy taking pictures. I certainly did not want to forget this. I went and took my place and just stared with my jaw solidly on the floor. The view was spectacular. Right next to me was an opening and there it was, the flame. For a little while I did wonder if I was actually there and this wasn't some crazy dream but I was, I was in the Olympic Stadium, finally.
As darkness descended the place filled up pretty quickly. I can't begin what it feels like to be surrounded by 80,000 people. The couple next to me were lovely but the bloke on the other side of me was just on a mission to get pissed. The pre show started and I had no idea what the hell was going on. It was really bizarre then it all became clear when they raised an inflatable Agitos symbol. That's a lie, it still made no sense. Then they announced the athletes entry into the stadium. This seemed to take forever and I remember at least two calls for them to take their seats. For most of the show I had no idea what was going on. You must remember I didn't have the tv commentary explaining everything so I just sat there amazed and perplexed. It was great being next to the opening because a lot of the performers came out from there so I could get a sneak preview of what was next. When the little car chugged its way around the arena I had no idea that Prince Edward was in there. I obviously wasn't listening. There was just so much to look at and take in. Standing up and singing the national anthem with 80,000 was just unbelievable. Down below me were the Russian team amongst others and I kind of kept half an eye on what was going on down there whilst looking at what was going on and looking at the crowd, the performers coming out and the amazing light show going around the arena. I don't care what anyone says but Coldplay were fantastic. Yes it did turn into a bit of a Coldplay gig but it was still amazing. The moment that makes me laugh and made me laugh at the time was when I saw the boat below me getting ready for whatever it was going to do next. On the deck was a woman with short dark hair in bright orange. I decided to take a picture of this bright orange woman on the boat thinking she was just another performer. Yea, i'd totally missed the fact Rihanna was right in front of me. Such an idiot. After her performance she ran from the stage towards one of the exits with the biggest entourage and covered her head up in the process. What? Why not let the athletes and fans get a picture? Eventually she came back out and I'd noticed this chair being prepared just in front of the flame, guess who it was for? I have some very good shots of the back of Rihannas head.
Everybody was singing along and they even had the words on some of the tv screens around the stadium. The show was pretty weird mainly because I had no idea what was happening but the imagination behind it was brilliant. I remember when Boris Johnson came out to hand the flag over he got the biggest cheer from the crowd. Not as big as when Seb Coe thanked the Gamesmakers and volunteers, the whole stadium were on their feet applauding. We had to stand for the Olympic anthem which I thought sounded like it was the intro to an 80's soap opera. It is pretty dire for an anthem. Standing for the Brazilian anthem was a bit weird as well mainly because I'm not Brazilian but I did as was instructed. When the flame was extinguished there was a general feeling of disappointment. Being right next to it I was in a perfect position when it began to open up. Not to mention getting to see Jonnie Peacock and Ellie Symonds. I think the disappointment came over on the tv but the boo didn't sound half as loud as actually hearing it.
I just cannot get across how spectacular that stadium was. The performers on the ground, the light show flying around, the smells and the music. At one point I thought I was at a massive rave. None of it comes across properly on the tv. The fireworks at the end were dazzling, absolutely breath taking. Seeing it on the tv gives me a better perspective on just how amazing they were but nothing can replace being in that stadium and hearing the constant banging and looking up at them from below. I was also surprised at just how small the inside of the stadium is with regards to the floor space. I expected this huge expanse but it was tiny. This makes me think how even more spectacular the Opening Ceremony for the Olympics must have been with towers being raised etc. In my pictures everything looks far away but it really wasn't. It just shows how deceptive tv pictures are with regards to perspective. To be honest I was gutted when it ended. I'm sure many more would quite happily have sat there all night. There were loads of Mexican waves going around the stadium and it was a delight to participate. I don't think I've seen any on that scale but it just shows the general mood of everybody that was there. At one point there were two going round in opposite directions which was fantastic to watch.
Getting out of the stadium/park you would have thought would be a nightmare what with 80,000 others also leaving. I left my seat, walked down the steps and followed the crowd towards Stratford tube. On the way everyone was high fiving the Gamesmakers. At points the Gamesmakers were all in a line and people went high fiving them down the line and so many people took the time to thank them. We got to the Westfield and wandered through a bit I hadn't seen which had a mini stuck to the wall. We walked down some steps and through down to the platform. There was a train there but it was about to leave. I stood there for about a minute and another came. It must have taken 10 minutes, if that, to get from my seat and on to the tube. 22 minutes later I sat waiting for the bus which was half an hour late. I was very impressed with the speed at which they were clearing the park not so much with my late bus. I eventually got home at 02:30 but it was worth it.
Like I said at the beginning, a once in a lifetime experience.
Thursday, 12 July 2012
Hobby
Throughout the years I have had many hobbies but lately I have found myself without one. Maybe due to the demands of work I just haven't had the time or the inclination to do anything else. I find myself in a position now where I have time on my hands and not enough things to fill it with. So I decided to find myself a new hobby.
This sounds simple enough, find something you like doing and do it a bit more often than you used to. The trouble is trying to find something that you will like doing and not get bored. I have a notoriously short attention span with regards to the duration a hobby lasts. Example, my stepbrother and I both bought identical Airfix kits and had a competition to see who could complete the kit in the shortest time but with the best precision. For the duration of the task I was completely immersed in achieving the goal and nothing could sway my focus. It was great fun so we bought another but this time it wasn't as entertaining and my precision lessened. I think this lasted about two weeks before I got bored. What began as a fun activity turned into a time consuming chore.
Another hobby I tried was scrap booking but again this lasted a short period of time. I think I managed to create three completed pages in an entire album. I still have all the bits and bobs but I have absolutely no interest in filling the remainder of the album. I have a bookcase full of books, some half read and others I haven't even touched other than to place them on the shelf. Comedy writing was another short lived pastime. I have a notepad somewhere with finished and unfinished sketches with ideas scribbled down waiting for me to complete them. Poetry was an interest once upon a time as was walking. I have collected various different things from stamps when I was younger to Formula 1 memorabilia more recently.
All of these things have been a hobby at some point in my life. I can't explain why I get bored so easily. When I start something all of my energy and attention is focused onto that one thing almost obsessively. Maybe I pour everything I have into it too quickly? Do I need to tone down my initial enthusiasm? Nothing seems to keep me interested for very long. It's almost as though once I have achieved something I need something else then something else. A kind of been there and done that thing, mission accomplished.
After wandering through the never ending suggestion lists on the interweb I decided that I would try painting. Yes I have a sketch book with drawings and watercolours in there. So I have attempted to do this before but this time I'm going to really try and keep it up. The other thing I enjoy doing is photography. So I might try to get involved with that a bit more. I don't know how long this will last but I really feel I should be doing something productive with my time rather than idling it away. Plus I hope the painting will help with the dexterity of my hand. In reality I know this sudden burst of creativity will only last a short period, it always does.
This sounds simple enough, find something you like doing and do it a bit more often than you used to. The trouble is trying to find something that you will like doing and not get bored. I have a notoriously short attention span with regards to the duration a hobby lasts. Example, my stepbrother and I both bought identical Airfix kits and had a competition to see who could complete the kit in the shortest time but with the best precision. For the duration of the task I was completely immersed in achieving the goal and nothing could sway my focus. It was great fun so we bought another but this time it wasn't as entertaining and my precision lessened. I think this lasted about two weeks before I got bored. What began as a fun activity turned into a time consuming chore.
Another hobby I tried was scrap booking but again this lasted a short period of time. I think I managed to create three completed pages in an entire album. I still have all the bits and bobs but I have absolutely no interest in filling the remainder of the album. I have a bookcase full of books, some half read and others I haven't even touched other than to place them on the shelf. Comedy writing was another short lived pastime. I have a notepad somewhere with finished and unfinished sketches with ideas scribbled down waiting for me to complete them. Poetry was an interest once upon a time as was walking. I have collected various different things from stamps when I was younger to Formula 1 memorabilia more recently.
All of these things have been a hobby at some point in my life. I can't explain why I get bored so easily. When I start something all of my energy and attention is focused onto that one thing almost obsessively. Maybe I pour everything I have into it too quickly? Do I need to tone down my initial enthusiasm? Nothing seems to keep me interested for very long. It's almost as though once I have achieved something I need something else then something else. A kind of been there and done that thing, mission accomplished.
After wandering through the never ending suggestion lists on the interweb I decided that I would try painting. Yes I have a sketch book with drawings and watercolours in there. So I have attempted to do this before but this time I'm going to really try and keep it up. The other thing I enjoy doing is photography. So I might try to get involved with that a bit more. I don't know how long this will last but I really feel I should be doing something productive with my time rather than idling it away. Plus I hope the painting will help with the dexterity of my hand. In reality I know this sudden burst of creativity will only last a short period, it always does.
Tuesday, 10 July 2012
Olympic Torch Relay
So on the 9th July 2012 the Olympic flame passed through Oxfordshire. My friend and I decided to mark this occasion by going to Blenheim Palace. What better backdrop to watch this once in a lifetime opportunity. We got there at about 11:30 as we wanted to go inside the Palace and have a wander around the grounds. There was nobody there really just a few tourists. The red carpet was laid and they were doing the sound tests. The torch wasn't due to arrive at the Palace until 15:55. When we got back to the main courtyard about two hours before it was due there was a definite increase in numbers.
About 1.5 hours before the torch arrived we went to pick our spot. Right by the steps to the Palace opposite the red carpet and of course at the front. As time went on more and more people arrived and eventually it was absolutely packed. We had no idea what Woodstock was like but seeing the news it was clear that it thousands of people had turned up to line the route of the torch. We were in our own little bubble inside the Palace grounds. We were handed the lyrics to Land of Hope and Glory and a flag.
Eventually we could hear cheers and looking up the courtyard we could see a person in white running down towards the Palace. It was here! It seemed to take an age for the runner to make it down to the steps. In reality it probably didn't take that long at all. She ran up the steps and it was here that the next runner put her torch to the flame and did the 'kiss'. We obviously got to see the now famous police officers escorting the flame in their grey track suits. The Duke of Marlborough made a speech and did three cheers then other 'important' people made their speeches. I was looking around taking it all in and notice that the police officers had two lanterns with them carrying the spare flame. Then came the moment for us to sing as the flame carried on its journey. The next torch bearer made her way slowly as the crowd sung. I would have but I didn't know the words and I was crouched on the floor so people behind me could see. My friend was stood up with the lyrics, that was my excuse anyway.
I didn't see any other VIPs but I did spot Douglas Hurd the former MP. The Prime Minister was apparently around but I didn't see him.
At the same time as feeling very privileged to have been in the position to see the Olympic flame in such amazing surroundings I feel it wasn't as exciting as I thought it would be. I don't really know what I expected to feel but I wasn't overwhelmed by the whole thing. Of course it is a once in a lifetime opportunity and I am pleased I was able to witness it. It definitely will be a story to tell when I am in my twilight years.
About 1.5 hours before the torch arrived we went to pick our spot. Right by the steps to the Palace opposite the red carpet and of course at the front. As time went on more and more people arrived and eventually it was absolutely packed. We had no idea what Woodstock was like but seeing the news it was clear that it thousands of people had turned up to line the route of the torch. We were in our own little bubble inside the Palace grounds. We were handed the lyrics to Land of Hope and Glory and a flag.
Eventually we could hear cheers and looking up the courtyard we could see a person in white running down towards the Palace. It was here! It seemed to take an age for the runner to make it down to the steps. In reality it probably didn't take that long at all. She ran up the steps and it was here that the next runner put her torch to the flame and did the 'kiss'. We obviously got to see the now famous police officers escorting the flame in their grey track suits. The Duke of Marlborough made a speech and did three cheers then other 'important' people made their speeches. I was looking around taking it all in and notice that the police officers had two lanterns with them carrying the spare flame. Then came the moment for us to sing as the flame carried on its journey. The next torch bearer made her way slowly as the crowd sung. I would have but I didn't know the words and I was crouched on the floor so people behind me could see. My friend was stood up with the lyrics, that was my excuse anyway.
I didn't see any other VIPs but I did spot Douglas Hurd the former MP. The Prime Minister was apparently around but I didn't see him.
At the same time as feeling very privileged to have been in the position to see the Olympic flame in such amazing surroundings I feel it wasn't as exciting as I thought it would be. I don't really know what I expected to feel but I wasn't overwhelmed by the whole thing. Of course it is a once in a lifetime opportunity and I am pleased I was able to witness it. It definitely will be a story to tell when I am in my twilight years.
Friday, 6 July 2012
What it feels like to be intubated
I had my operation on the 13th May and it all went well. It took me hours to come around from the anaesthetic but apart from that it was ok. One thing that was a little distressing was being conscious when they took the breathing tube out. It was a LMA (laryngeal mask airway) rather than an ET tube (endotrachial tube). ET tubes enter the windpipe whereas LMAs don't. Even so it wasn't a nice experience and out of the four operations I've had this was the first time I remembered them taking the tube out.
I was only meant to be in hospital overnight but due to a minor complication I had to stay in a little longer. The problem was retention which is known post anaesthesia but uncommon in females apparently. Let's put it this way I will have a greater respect for any of my patients that have or require a catheter. Apart from the embarrassment of having it inserted you have to think about every movement because believe me you do not want to tug on one of those! How people pull them out with the balloon inflated is beyond me.
Two days after my operation was when it really kicked off. I only know what I've been told of the Friday and what happened after I regained consciousness. At 07:30 I was found with a GCS of 3. For anyone unfamiliar that is completely unresponsive to anything. Normal functioning people have a GCS of 15. The doctors did sternal rubs which are incredibly painful and for days after I had a bruised chest. Nothing. The patient opposite said it was quite scary seeing me in this situation. The doctors didn't know what was going on and were escalating it up the ranks. Eventually I was taken to HDU (high dependency unit) where the decision was made to intubate me (put me on a ventilator). I was transferred via ambulance to A&E resus at another hospital, had a CT scan of my head to make sure there was no bleed and taken to intensive care. It freaks me out that all this happened and I have absolutely no recollection of any of this.
My first memory was hearing voices and the feeling that something was in my mouth. One of the first thing I remember hearing was 'Are we going to have to cut her pyjamas off?'. I can't really remember seeing anything until I was extubated (tube taken out) and on oxygen. I vaguely remember my friends being there but not much else. I obviously started to get agitated as the staff kept telling me I was ok and that I was in ICU. As I became more aware I felt a need to breathe but I couldn't. At regular intervals my chest filled with a pressure which felt so awful. I realised I was intubated and on a ventilator. The pressure I was feeling in my chest was my lungs filling with oxygen. The more awake I became the more agitated I got and I remember bringing my left arm up towards my face but was repeatedly knocked back down by the nurses. Even though the ventilator was breathing for me I felt like I was suffocating because my natural breathing reflex was again present but there was a tube blocking my airway preventing me from taking my own breaths. If I thought that was hideous it was nothing compared to what came next, suctioning. The nurse passed the suction catheter down the ET tube and as soon as it touched my windpipe it triggered a coughing/gagging reflex. Of course I couldn't cough and the feeling was horrendous. In between the awful feeling of the suctioning there would be the pressure of oxygen being forced into my lungs. Being so out of control was almost unbearable and created a sense of panic. Not only had I woken up in a completely different ward in a completely different hospital, I had woken up intubated. Despite the reassurances of the staff telling me it was alright it really didn't feel like it. When the moment came for them to extubate it felt like such a relief. It was terrible feeling the ET tube being pulled from my windpipe, it felt like it would never stop. Then more suctioning but this time with a Yankeur and a great deal of coughing. To take breaths myself and be back in control was, well, I can't describe it. I just can't describe how it felt to have my lungs fill but to not be breathing. I couldn't work out what the intense pressure was to begin with. It was almost like the sensation you get when you wretch before vomiting. An involuntary reflex, which it was essentially, but it wasn't my stomach contracting. A short sharp burst of pressure rather than a natural slow inhalation. Of course I couldn't speak after the trauma of being intubated. It took days for my voice to return to normal. I am incredibly grateful for everything that was done to help me but it truly was one of the most distressing experiences of my life.
I woke up with an arterial line and four large bore cannulas attached to various things. I still have the marks from where they were inserted three weeks on. They must have dug around a lot to find the artery in my wrist because it took nearly two weeks for the pain to subside. Fortunately it was only a short stay in ICU and I was transferred back to the hospital I came from to the relief of the patient opposite me. She was just glad to see I was ok. I'm used to emergency situations (dealing with them as opposed to being the cause of them) so I couldn't really appreciate how terrifying it must be for other patients witnessing something like that.
I total I was in hospital for 10 days and I must say the majority of the time I was treated very well. I had my stroppy moments but I think it was frustration. It was difficult trying to remain a patient and not to put my nurses hat on and occasionally I would turn nurse but I think it's unavoidable when you are in this situation. One thing I am sure of is that this will make me a better nurse. I have experienced things that nurses don't normally experience. I've felt things that nurse don't normally experience. Nobody knows the reason for my what was essentially a coma. I have my theory but it will remain just one of those things.
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