Brighter

Today was my first day back at work since i first vanished two months ago. It went well. I was obviously nervous but i shouldn't have been. Everybody was lovely. I have been dreading this day for some time as i knew it was coming. What if people ask questions? Easy, lie or change the subject. Sometimes you don't want everyone knowing everything. I don't want to feel like i'm being watched all of the time. It kind of feels like that anyway but it would be even more so if colleagues knew exactly what had gone on. It's a need to know basis and nobody else needs to know.

A week ago i started taking a vitamin B complex and 5-HTP. I'm not really into complementary therapies but when you have run out of options anything is worth a try. I decided it to give it a go when i was in the midst of a dark phase. What's the worst that can happen? It has been about a week and i must admit i do feel brighter. What i don't know is why. Would i have felt better anyway or is it to do with the supplements? If i were to stop them how would i know if i were to go into another dark phase that it was due to stopping them. It could just be a coincidence. Or is it just the placebo effect? By taking something is it making me think that it is helping? Unfortunately it is something that i will never get the answer to. I just have to be grateful that at the minute things are looking a lot better.

It is a long time since all of this started and i'm pleased that it seems to be coming to an end. To be honest i'm not really bothered about the how and why. The mere fact that things are brighter is the important thing. I do worry though, if i were to stop the supplements would it come back? If it did would it be because i had stopped it or again would it be psychological, so to speak? How long do i take these things for? When i finally feel like me again do i stop or do i just keep taking them? So many questions. I guess the only way to find out is to cross that bridge when i come to it.